Losing a Friend
by Emilie Rose
Summary: After his split with Lily, Severus loses the only friend he has left. How will he cope?


**Meant to have this finished a really long time ago, but… stuff happens. Here we go, finally! The first story I'm sending out from my college dorm! Obviously, I do not own these characters.**

**Severus loses the only friend he has left. How will he survive?**

Severus Snape stood alone on Platform 9 and 3/4, dragging his heavy trunk and cat in his cage behind him and desperately trying to ignore the tightness in his throat and burning in his eyes. He hadn't really expected a ride home in the Evans family car, seeing as Lily had told him repeatedly over the last several weeks of term that she never wished to speak to him again. Yet he had hoped that Mrs. Evans would not have abandoned him at King's Cross Station; she knew as well as Lily that his parents had never bothered to pick him up.

He had no Muggle money and very little wizarding money in his pockets, no broom to fly, and no friends to owl for help. Sighing, the boy pulled his belongings to the curb outside the train station, stuck out his right arm, and summoned the Knight Bus.

It cost Severus all but two knuts to pay for the trip home on a bus so crowded, he had to sit on his trunk. The air was thick and hot, pressing in on the boy's tired mind. His thoughts lurched with each jerk of the bus: Derby, Stockton, London; hope of repairing his friendship with Lily, fear of his horrid father, desire to prove his worth to his fellow Slytherins. The rocking of the bus and spinning of his mind twisted his stomach. He half stood, desperate to get off the bus before he became violently ill.

But then he remembered what was awaiting him at the end of the bus ride. He sat back down, pulled his cat's carrying case into his lap, and closed his eyes, praying that he could stay on the bus until September 1st.

"Wake up, boy. C'mon, we're at Spinner's End. That's your stop. C'mon!" Severus opened his eyes to the sight of a pockmarked face leaning over him. The man's name badge glinted in the flickering lamplight, burning the letters of "Roger Shunpike" into Severus's tired mind.

Before he had even finished rubbing sleep from his eyes, the boy found himself standing on the sidewalk outside of his house, alone except for his scrawny grey cat, who was mewing hungrily. "Alright, Merlin," Severus sighed. "I suppose we've got to go in sometime."

He was greeted at the door by his mother, whose sallow face was lit by a weak but genuine smile. "Welcome home, dear. How was the end of term?"

"It was fine, Mum." No need to upset her with the truth. At first, Eileen had been wary of her son's friendship with the Muggleborn, for her own horrid experience with a Muggle had made her wary of the entire race. But over time, Eileen had grown fond of Lily; the girl was always so kind to Severus.

"Are you hungry? I made supper."

Severus and Eileen Snape sat at their rickety kitchen table, eating thin soup and relishing in their brief peaceful moments together. Eileen listened eagerly as her son told her of all the latest happenings of the wizarding world. He described the spells he'd learned, the potions he'd made, every detail he could remember to slake her thirst for the world she had left behind.

It was an odd moment for Severus, to feel comfortable sitting in the rundown house on Spinner's End, chatting calmly with his mother. He wondered if normal children often experienced time like this.

The front door banged open and all thoughts of normalcy fled from Severus's mind. Tobias was home, singing drunkenly as he staggered into the kitchen. He froze at the sight of his son seated at the table. "Forgot you was coming 'ome. None o' your freak stuff or I swear you and your useless mother'll be out in the gutter 'fore yeh can even think about turning me into a blasted toad." Not expecting a reply from the stone- faced boy, he turned to Eileen and demanded his supper, flopping into her chair as soon as she vacated it.

Severus rose silently as his father focused on Eileen, taking the opportunity to escape to his bedroom. He closed the thin wooden door, pretending it was made of stone, pretending it was soundproof. Something soft brushed against his skinny ankle and he jumped, fearing a mouse or worse. But when he looked down, his gaze was met with two shining green eyes. "Hello, Merlin," the boy laughed weakly. The smile fell as quickly as it had appeared. "It's going to be a long summer, mate." The cat mewed sympathetically.

Nearly three weeks of summer had passed, but each day felt like a year to Severus. He spent most of his time in his room, blocking out the sounds from downstairs by conversing with a cat. Once upon a time, he could have escaped the nightmare of Spinner's End by visiting Lily. She made him feel at ease and knew how to cheer him up when his life got too out of hand. She brought him home for tea or even supper, where Mrs. Evans treated him like her own son. But now Lily was a thousand miles away, though her house was still in walking distance.

He had seen her once over the summer, when his father's shouting had been too much to bear and he had walked to the playground where he had once known such joy. She was there, sitting on a swing as if she were waiting for him, like she had been so many times before. He approached her cautiously, as he would a wounded animal that was likely to lash out. He cleared his throat awkwardly, praying that this time he could prove the sincerity of his apology. "Um... hey Lily."

Her face was expressionless as her beautiful eyes took in his trembling lips, sunken cheeks, and bruised eye. "What do you want?"

"I was just passing by." He tried to sound casual, shrugging his bony shoulders.

"Well keep on passing."

Obviously, casual was not going to work. But he missed her so terribly that he was not above pleading. "Lily, what would you have me do? I'm sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry. I messed everything up. But I want to fix it. Please let me fix it. I miss you so much." Severus could no longer speak over the burning lump in his throat. He looked down at his filthy trainers and waited for Lily's reply.

When it came, he very dearly wished he hadn't heard it. "You had a chance to fix this, Severus. You've had a hundred chances since the day you met those monsters in Slytherin. And you chose them over me. Over goodness. Now stay away from me."

He did not return to the park after that day. Hours passed like weeks in his barren bedroom, where he spent the time with well worn books, his scrawny cat, and the muffled shouts from downstairs.

Lily Evans sat on a low swing in the little park near her house, enjoying the feel of a summer breeze blowing through her red hair. She loved this park; it was a place full of nothing but happy memories. This summer, however, her peaceful reminiscences were marred by a streak of bitterness. No new memories would be formed here or anywhere else with the boy she once loved so dearly. That boy was dead, murdered by the evil within his own heart.

She had seen the darkness growing inside Severus for years, but always thought it part of his angry facade. It was a sort of protection he had built for himself against a world that had been far too cruel to him. Never had Lily imagined that this protection would end up destroying her best friend.

He had apologized many times before the school year had ended, even going so far as to send a house elf up to her dorm with flowers. Her heart wanted desperately to believe that he would change for her, but her head knew that he had been bullied and pushed around for far too long to be able to stand up against his entire House. She decided to spend the summer forgetting him, strengthening the bonds she had with other friends instead of wasting time on a broken relationship.

One afternoon, he had come to the park. She was surprised he hadn't come sooner. But he didn't seem to be looking for her specifically. Of course, the park had always meant more to Severus than it did to Lily. For her, it was a playground, a place to enjoy life with her friend; for him it was a sanctuary, a place where he was safe from bullying and yelling and all the other horrors that made up his life.

Her soul ached at the sight of his bruised face, but she could not let old emotions hurt her again. She knew she was better off as he walked away, shoulders slumped dejectedly; she angrily brushed away the tears that had pooled in her eyes and left the park.

It was raining, which helped to ease the oppressive heat in Severus's fanless room, but did nothing to brighten the clouds in his heart. Tobias was raving downstairs, his shouts punctuated by crashing chairs and Eileen's sobbing. Severus refused to cry; he had to be strong or he knew he would break.

Merlin stared at him from across the room, his features arranged in an expression of sympathy. He padded across the barren floor to where the boy was sitting, his back against the wall and his eyes closed. The cat climbed into Severus's lap and curled up on his skinny legs, mewing softly.

Long fingers carefully stroked the silky fur. "H'lo Merlin. You're a good friend. You're my only friend now, mate. Just you. Snivellus Snape and his cat." He knew it was ridiculous, babbling on to a cat, but it was better than suffering alone. "Lily's mad at me. She's got every right to be, but I wish I could make it up to her. You remember Lily, don't you? She always brought treats for you on Christmas. That's just the kind of person she is. She'd never let a cat or a greasy boy with no friends be forgotten on Christmas." He laughed humorlessly. "Unless the cat scratched or the boy called her a Mudblood."

"You and your freak son come in here and waste all the money. You can't even do your job as a wife…" Severus sighed, burying his head in his arms, desperately trying to block out his father's voice, his loneliness, and his miserable existence.

Mrs. Evans sat at the kitchen table with her youngest daughter, drinking fresh lemonade. Though she was proud of Lily for attending Hogwarts, she missed having her at home. Thus, she was determined to take full advantage of Lily's summer holiday.

The girl chatted on happily about her visit to Diagon Alley the day before with her friends. "So in the end, Alice bought the purple dress robes and Mary got the gold ones."

"And you bought the black ones with the gold and silver trim?"

Lily nodded in response to her mother's inquiry.

"Did you see any of your other schoolmates there?" Mrs. Evans inched closer to the question she was burning to ask, the question she knew would only serve to upset her daughter.

"We saw Frank Longbottom, that boy who's always after Alice. I think they'd make a lovely couple."

A silence fell over the table, one that Lily found quite comfortable but made Mrs. Evans's lips itch with unspoken words. "Have you heard from Severus at all?" She knew it was a mistake to ask; the rapid stiffening of Lily's posture and darkening of her emerald eyes showed how deeply the argument had wounded the girl.

"Why should I have? Mum, I told you, he's a cowardly prat who can't even find the nerve to be on the right side of this war."

Mrs. Evans sighed. "But he's not a bad person, Lily. He's just mixed up and afraid. If you give him support and encouragement I'm sure he'll come around in the end."

"No, Mum. He made his choice. Power is more important to him than goodness. Or our friendship. I'm not saying I don't understand it. Someone who's been a victim of abuse and bullying all his life would obviously jump at a chance at the sort of power the Death Eaters offer. I'm just disappointed in him. And I will not associate with someone like that."

"He hasn't joined them yet, dear, and you know he's deeply in love with you."

"When he loves me enough to stop talking with people who want me dead, I'll reconsider our friendship. Not before."

"It's your choice, of course, Lily. But I do worry about the boy."

The beautiful green eyes so recently hardened in anger filled suddenly with tears. "So do I, Mum. I think I always will."

Merlin squirmed uncomfortably as his owned scooped him up and held him. Severus had been horribly clingy lately, which the cat did not particularly appreciate. But he could sense the boy's unhappiness and knew that his warm presence was comforting, so he allowed the contact. Severus talked incessantly as he held the cat, saying nothing of substance but managing to distract himself from the current argument downstairs. He told his cat how he planned to hex James Potter into oblivion on September first, his voice rising with the sound of breaking dishes.

He froze as the air shook with the sound of flesh striking flesh. Severus had managed to struggle silently through much of his dreadful life on Spinner's End, but when his mother was hurt, he couldn't help but to intervene. Placing Merlin at the end of his bed, Severus hurried downstairs, his head held high to conceal his fear.

Eileen knelt on the kitchen floor, picking up bits of broken china; she did not seem to be paying any mind to the handprint-shaped bruise appearing on her sallow cheek. Tobias leaned against the sink, watching her, a half-empty bottle of whiskey clutched in his meaty fist.

Severus hovered in the doorway, desperate to defend his mother but unsure as to how to get the better of Tobias. "You got something to say to me, boy?"

He jumped as his father turned toward him, grinning nastily. "Didn't think I could see you there, eh? What did yeh want to say?"

"You leave her alone." The frightened boy was pleased to notice that his voice was steady, though his hands were trembling in his pockets.

"You'd rather I teach you a lesson, insolent brat?"

Severus did not respond, only remained standing before his father, his head high and his back straight.

He was on the floor after one blow, shaking his head in an attempt to clear it. Spots of painful light burst in front of his eyes as Tobias's heavy boot slammed into his thin frame. All thoughts of defending his mother flew from Severus's mind; he was no match for the violent man before him. He scrambled to his feet and shoved past Tobias, stumbling up the stairs to the dubious sanctuary of his room.

Gasping for breath, Severus collapsed to the floor. He knew that his father would follow him, knew that he was going to be punished for his insolence. Yet there was no fear in him as he listened to his father mounting the creaking stairs, only resignation. He would be hurt; his body would heal and his mind would gain yet another scar. He and his cat would continue on, two souls isolated from the rest of the world. No, Severus was not afraid as his father forced open his door. He was numb.

He did not cry out as his father's fist split his lip open. He thought that if he simply ignored the situation, it would end sooner. Tobias would get bored if he didn't receive a reaction.

"Tough little freak, eh? Yeh think I can't hurt ya 'cause I'm only human?"

_So much for that plan_, thought Severus. Alright, then. He'd just whimper a bit, show he'd learned his lesson.

But no more blows came. Severus looked up to see his father storming away from him, toward his bed. The man turned back toward his son, holding something small and grey. "You're a rotten boy, and rotten boys have to be punished."

He squeezed the grey mass and it mewed in pain. Severus's eyes went wide with horror. "Merlin! No, put him down. Please! God, please, don't hurt him! Just put him down!"

Tobias smiled at his son, a sick, twisted smile distorted by hatred and drunkenness. He pulled back his arm, holding the squirming cat in one hand, and flung the creature at the wall three feet away. The animal squealed and hissed as it flew through the air but fell silent upon impact. The man laughed shortly and left the room, flashing that dreadful smile at his son on the way out.

"M- Merlin?" The cat did not move.

Severus crawled slowly toward him, trying to elicit a response the entire time. "Please, Merlin, get up. I know that hurt. But I'll get you some tuna for supper… Here, kitty…" His voice shook. "Here, kitty-kitty." He reached out a shaking hand to prod the animal; it was limp. Steeling himself with a deep breath, Severus leaned forward to look at his pet.

The cat lay on his side, his legs spayed out awkwardly and his neck bent at an impossible angle. His eyes were empty, as lifeless as green marbles.

Severus sat on his knees, shaking his head in dazed disbelief. The only thing that remained in his lonely life was dead, murdered before his very eyes. No tears fell as the boy stared at his pet's corpse. He merely sat there for he did not know how long, numb to everything as thoughts of all he had lost floated through his dizzy brain.

"No!" The sound of his own voice in his slowly darkening bedroom startled the boy. He stood, panting as though he had just completed a marathon.

Something inside Severus's tightly controlled mind came undone. He scooped the stiffening cat into his wiry arms and marched determinedly out of his room, out of his miserable house, and into the deserted rundown street. Without thinking, he took off running. His feet slammed against the cracked pavement, propelling him away from the filthy neighborhood he grudgingly called home.

He did not slow as the homes he passed grew larger and fancier. He did not slow as the park where he and Lily had once played came into view, then faded behind him. At last, he reached the decoratively painted mailbox labeled "Evans". Without even considering the horrible fact that Lily was no longer his friend, Severus stumbled up the pale blue porch steps and rang the gilt doorbell.

Mrs. Evans looked up as the sound of door chimes echoed through the house. "Lily, could you get that, dear?" She gestured with soapy hands at the dishes she was washing. "I'm a bit busy."

"Sure, Mum." Lily set down her worn copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ and hurried to the front door.

Severus Snape stood before her, shivering despite the warm weather. His lip was swollen and dried blood stained his chin and baggy shirt.

The ill feelings she had been harboring against her best friend were momentarily forgotten as she looked at his pain-filled eyes. "Severus, what happened?"

He did not answer, shaking his head vaguely in response to her question. Lily felt a sudden twinge of fear. For years, the boy had used her home as a refuge. In breaking off their friendship, she had never considered what would happen to him during a summer alone at Spinner's End.

"Sev, are you hurt?" She grabbed her friend's bony shoulder, which seemed to rouse him slightly. He looked at her as if he hadn't noticed her standing there before.

"H'lo Lily. Is it alright if I come in?"

"Of course, Sev." She guided him up to her bedroom, taking care not to alert her mother to his presence; it had always embarrassed Severus for Mrs. Evans to see his injuries. Once she had settled the boy on the edge of her bed, Lily hurried out of the room, returning a moment later with a damp washcloth.

A gentle hand cupped Severus's chin; he looked up to see the beautiful emerald eyes of his dearest friend. Her other hand reached toward his face and he flinched involuntarily. "Shh. Don't move." Lily's angelic voice calmed him as it always had in years past. He remained motionless as she carefully cleaned the blood from his face, whispering words of comfort as she worked.

After satisfying herself that he was quite clean, Lily pulled away and studied her friend. He sat hunched over, as if shielding himself. _No, _Lily amended. _Shielding something. _"Sev?" He glanced quickly at her then dropped his gaze to the floor. "Sev, what happened? What are you holding?"

Again, he raised his eyes up to meet hers, this time holding her gaze. Yet he remained silent.

Lily's heart ached as she realized that her best friend was afraid to speak to her. She had thought that by cutting ties with Severus, she was protecting herself against getting hurt by him. Now, she saw her behavior as an overreaction that had caused a great deal of harm to a victimized boy. "Sev, please talk to me. I'm worried about you."

He shook his head violently. "I shouldn't be here. You hate me. Everyone hates me. I'm sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry for everything. I had to come. I'm sorry, I just had to get out of there."

Severus's voice stuck in his throat as Lily threw her arms around him. "You're always welcome here, Sev. Look, I'm angry at you. I've been seriously considering never speaking to you again. But I still care about you and I'll be here if you need me. Now please tell me what happened."

"He got really angry again," Severus began quietly. "I don't even know what about. But he hit my mum. Like an idiot, I told him to shove off. So he took it out on me."

Lily stroked the greasy black hair of the boy leaning on her shoulder. "You're so brave, Severus. So brave to stand up to him. But it scares me when you do that. What if he really hurts you?"

Severus pulled away from his friend and clutched ever more tightly at whatever it was he had in his lap. The girl laid a hand on his shoulder in concern. "What did he do, Sev? What happened to you?"

"He was all I had. I lost everything else and he was all that was left. That bastard knows how to get at me. 'A'right, freak. Ya ain't gonna scream when I make yeh bleed? Then I'll take away all that yeh care about. Freaks like you do have feelings, yeah?' So he picked him up and threw him. He's dead. I know he's dead. Please Lily, tell me he's not dead."

Lily was horrified. What had that monster done? "Sev, who are you talking about?"

In response, Severus unfolded his arms and showed Lily what he'd been clutching so desperately. His dead cat lay on his lap, its body contorted and its fur mussed. Biting down on her lip to stifle a scream, Lily reached out to touch the animal. It was as stiff as a board, clearly dead. Of course, Severus knew that his pet was gone, but Lily knew that hearing the words would hurt him very deeply. She looked into his dark, pain-filled eyes. "Sev, I'm sorry. He's gone. I'm so sorry."

The heartbroken boy shrugged out of the hug in which Lily tried to envelop him. "He was my only friend," he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion. "He was the last friend I had left."

The last remnants of the anger that Lily had felt toward Severus Snape vanished instantly. Her mother had been right. Severus was still the sweet little boy she'd met all those years ago. He'd made some wrong choices, of course, but he could fix those mistakes. Besides, his flaws were unimportant at the moment. Today, he had committed no sin. In fact, he had acted heroically, and he had been rewarded with a beating and the loss of his beloved pet.

"What about me?" she asked softly, not daring to put her arm around him again. "I'm your friend, aren't I, Severus?"

He shook his head. "Not anymore. You hate me. I really don't blame you; I treated you horribly. But I do miss you."

"I miss you too," Lily stated honestly.

The boy looked up sharply, surprise evident in his face. "You do?"

"Of course. You've been my best friend since we were eight years old. And I feel like I've been losing you for years. It's always hurt me, Sev, but I didn't know how to fix it."

"I'm sorry," Severus repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. "It's all my fault. I wasn't trying to become a Death Eater, Lily. I just wanted the people in my House not to hate me. I liked what they had to offer; with a bit of power and intimidating friends, I thought I could protect myself from people like Potter and his mates. I thought…" He broke off, knowing how stupid his theory would sound to Lily.

"What, Sev?" Her face showed concern and genuine interest. Something inside Severus warmed at the expression; he had thought she would never care about him again. These beautiful features were arranged in the image of his best friend, not that cold, unforgiving girl who seemed to have replaced her as of late. _Not that I deserve forgiveness, _Severus told himself quickly. _But I've tried to apologize and I'd do anything to make it up to her and…Oh, what does it matter now? She's not angry, for the moment. Best tell the truth while she's listening._

"I thought I could keep you safe from them, Lily. You, a Muggleborn, and my mum, a blood-traitor. I thought maybe if I joined them… and made… You-Know-Who… pleased, then he would keep you safe from Death Eater raids."

Lily stared at her best friend, momentarily speechless. She knew that much of Severus's inclination toward the Death Eaters stemmed from a desire to protect himself. But to protect her? Did Severus really care so much about her that he would sell his soul to that awful snake-demon in an attempt to keep her safe?

"You're a good friend, Severus Snape," she whispered at last.

He snorted derisively; Lily's eyes burned with unshed tears. It always sickened her that Sev thought so poorly of himself, when he was in fact one of the most wonderful people she had ever met.

"Excuse me?"

Lily blushed fiercely. Had she said that aloud? "Y… You are, Sev. You've just got to drop this whole Death Eater thing before you get yourself killed. And you could have lots of friends if you just stopped closing yourself off from everyone. Did you ever think that the reason I'm the only one who thinks you're nice and funny and brave is because you don't act that way around others?"

"Other people decide who they think I am as soon as they look at me," the boy mumbled.

"That's true," Lily conceded. "But you've never bothered to show them how wrong they are."

Severus had no idea what to say, but was saved from having to come up with a response by a knock on Lily's bedroom door.

"Lily?" Mrs. Evans called out. "Who was at the door, dear? You answered it and then never came back to the kitchen."

Severus shook his hair forward, hoping that it would shield the bruises on his face from the woman's mothering gaze. He had in the past daydreamed about having Mrs. Evans as his mother instead of Eileen Prince Snape, who of course loved him, but not quite enough to keep him safe. Other times, he wondered what it would be like to go to Mrs. Evans and tell her everything- the fights at home, the beatings, his ever-increasing poverty, the bullies at school, the awful peer pressure he faced within his House, his desperate desire to fit in- to hug her like the frightened child he was, to weep unashamed as she told him it would be alright in the end. Most of the time, however, he simply wanted to impress Mrs. Evans, to make her think he was worthy of her wonderful daughter.

"It's Severus, Mum," Lily answered as she pulled open the door. "He's had an awful day and just needed to talk."

"Very glad to see you here, Severus." The woman flashed a warm smile at him, which he returned weakly. "What's happened? You look miserable." Mrs. Evans had a vague idea of what Severus's home life was like and had always worried about him. She feared that the split between him and her daughter would have been even harder on him than on Lily and evidently she had been right. The poor boy looked absolutely deflated.

Severus took a shaky breath, determined to keep his voice steady as he answered, "My cat died."

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Lily, why don't you run down to the laundry room and see if we have a shoebox we can use as a coffin."

"Alright, Mum." Lily squeezed her friend's shoulder as she stood, pausing long enough by her mother's side to hear the older woman whisper, "And put on some water for tea. He's had a nasty shock."

Lily's soft footsteps rapidly faded away, leaving Severus feeling awkward and Mrs. Evans nervous about what she felt sure she finally had to do. Swallowing up her own insecurities, she sat cautiously beside the boy she hoped one day to call her son-in-law.

"She cares about you very much, Severus."

"Did she tell you what I did to her?" the boy mumbled.

For a moment, Mrs. Evans wondered if it was wrong to disclose her knowledge and opinion of the situation, but she knew the poor boy needed comfort and was unwilling to withhold it. "Yes. She told me everything. I agree that she has every right to be disappointed in you-"

"She hates me," Severus interrupted, his voice cracking.

"No of course she doesn't. If she hated you, she wouldn't be so hurt by what you did."

"I never meant to hurt her," Severus whispered, his voice cracking.

"We know, dear, just as we know what a good person you are. You're in a bad place, Severus, but you can always climb out of it. And Lily and I are here for you if you need help."

"Thank you, Mrs. Evans, but I don't want to cause any trouble to you. You've already done so much for me, letting me stay for meals and overnight so many times, giving me a lift to King's Cross every year. I can't burden you with all my troubles."

"It's no burden, Severus," the older woman assured him as she wrapped an arm over his hunched shoulders. "You're a part of the family."

He pulled away from the embrace to look into her eyes, gentle and green, just like Lily's. She stared back, obviously quite sincere. "I- I am?"

"Of course, dear. I know things are hard for you, Severus, but you can always come to us. And if there are things you'd rather not discuss with Lily, I'd be more than happy to listen."

"Thank you," he whispered, laying his head on her shoulder and allowing her to draw him close.

He tried to pull away when Lily came back into the room, but Mrs. Evans held him firmly. Lily didn't seem the least bit annoyed that he was making himself at home in her room. She even smiled at him gently.

"Will this do alright, Sev?" It was then that he noticed the shoebox she was holding out. It seemed so wrong to stuff his dear friend in that flimsy little box, but he found himself nodding anyways.

"Thanks, Lily. It's perfect."

They buried Merlin in the backyard, under a large evergreen tree that Severus had always found beautiful. Mrs. Evans plucked a handful of daisies from her precious plants to lay on the small grave.

When Petunia returned home from her latest boyfriend's house- "His name is Vernon," Lily whispered, "And he's absolutely horrid. Even worse than that Josiah bloke, and twice the size!"- she threw Severus a look of pure disgust.

"I thought we were finally rid of you."

"Petunia!" Mrs. Evans snapped. "The rules have not changed since his last visit. You will be civil to Severus."

The eldest Evans daughter stalked off haughtily as Severus turned toward Lily. "It's a rule?"

Lily nodded, giggling. "Mum's absolutely had it with her anti-magic nonsense."

After dinner, the two friends lay out on the grass in the backyard, watching the stars. For several comfortable minutes, they chatted about their OWL results and the classes they would be taking over the next two years. Severus marveled at how ordinary the conversation seemed, as if nothing had happened between them.

Then Lily asked the terrible question that had been on the tip of her tongue all evening. "What will happen next year? With… us?"

Severus sighed. How could he answer that? How did she want him to answer? "Can we just go back to the way we were?"

"No," Lily replied firmly. Severus's heart sank. "I don't want to be your secret friend that you have to hide from your other friends. I know you only wanted to protect me, Sev, but I can take care of myself. Be who you want to be. Help me fight these monsters who want my family dead or join them if that's what you choose or try to stay out of the war altogether. I can't tell you what to do anymore. Just do what you think is right. And remember two things: First, that if you go with them I can't in good conscience be your friend, and second, that I will always care about you and if you need me I'll always be here."

Severus was speechless. As the silence between them stretched on between them, Lily became increasingly sure that she was about to lose her dearest friend all over again.

His voice cracked when he tried to speak, but he forced the words out anyway. "There's a good chance they'll try to kill me when I tell them I'm not joining."

Lily didn't allow herself to believe what that terrifying sentence meant. She couldn't bear to encourage the weak hope within her heart if those beautiful words were a lie. She blocked her emotions with practicality. "Not if you go to Dumbledore. He'll keep you safe. Dumbledore will do anything for someone who's trying to do the right thing."

"I know," Severus whispered calmly. "And besides, a lot of people are going to get hurt. I don't mind being one of them. I just want us to be clear about the risks. Mulciber might try to take his anger out on you too, though, and if that happens-"

"I'll hex him," Lily interrupted. "I'm not going to let you go crawling to them just to keep me safe. If this is the path you want to take, we'll take it together."

"Really?"

Lily sat up suddenly and leaned over Severus. "Of course, Severus. You're my best friend and I love you."

Severus was sure his face was going to burst from the effort of not grinning at her beautiful words. This was how it should always have been between them, united together against Potter and Voldemort and everything else evil in the world. Looking behind him toward his cat's freshly dug grave, Severus thought of all the dreadful things that had happened in his young life. He was determined that this time, he wouldn't foul things up. This time, he and Lily would come out on top, together. "Then let's go fight You-Know-Who. And Lily, I love you too."

**THE END! (No animals were harmed in the making of this fanfic.)**

**Well? It didn't end up quite the way I was picturing, but I like it. What do you think? PLEASE tell me!**


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